You win some, you lose some…

I went to message a friend the other day with the hope of meeting for a catch up, only to find they had deleted me from all social media platforms. Maybe I had over done it on the Jasmine spam? I felt really sad, embarrassed and questioned myself. In society we champion people who get married, get a promotion, buy a house or any other large life event…and I’m proud I’ve managed to raise this tiny human, but I feel society let’s you celebrate to an extent and then ‘that’s enough’ you’re boring people.

I’ve spent years respecting people’s passions for travelling, drinking or even football (something I know little about) yet I constantly worry about ‘baby spam’. When I chat to my friends I ask them about all areas of their lives… not because I want to patronise them or feel like I should, but because I care. It matters to them, so it matters to me! Sadly I think losing friends is an inevitable part of having a baby, not all friends. I have grown to appreciate my friends so much, the friends who are struggling to conceive, who arrive at my baby shower with a smile and gifts in hand, that’s friendship. The friends who through their own life changing struggles are always there for me. But there are those who vanish, nine months of no drinking makes you seem ‘dull’ to certain people and then being so consumed with keeping a tiny person alive after the birth my mind is completely focused on her, I worry she’ll fall down a well or something if it’s not!

I’ll never be one of those mums who declare themselves a ‘yummy mummy’ or change their job title to ‘full time stay at home mummy’ that’s not me. It’s a huge life shift though, and despite my protests of ‘the baby won’t define me’ I’d be lying if I was to say I don’t have a baby led life, and she’s so small can you blame me? I’d challenge anyone to get 2 hours of broken sleep every night and not start obsessing about sleep, beds….and big pillows, I was in ‘Next’ yesterday and found myself staring at their bed displays, practically drooling, like I was gazing at gorgeous piece of chocolate cake!

I’m still very much here for my friends, but now it’s me and my mini me (well mini Dave really). Being a mum can be the best job in the world, you’re literally moulding a life. It can also be the loneliness job in the world, some days, not leaving the house, not having adult company and wondering what I’m missing out on. Friends are important, that’s for sure.

The balance is hard though, really hard. Some weeks I’m a hermit and it’s an effort just to get dressed, others I’m a social butterfly.

But for those friends who are my rocks, who have listened to me forget what I’m talking about mid sentence and smiled whilst I explain to them the benefits of baby led weaning or send them videos of Jasmine that make me smile, thank you. It’s also put me in touch with friends I’ve fallen out of touch with and make new friends. So I guess the moral of the blog post is – you win some, you loose some!

“The course of true love never did run smooth” – William Shakespeare – A midsummer nights dream : Act 1, Scene 1

10 thoughts on “You win some, you lose some…”

  1. Try not to assume what your friend did and why. I had a friend think the same of me, and I had to tell her kindly – it wasn’t about you – I just was having a social media overdose and needed to take care of myself for a bit. If you care about her, TALK TO HER. Don’t let social media do the talking for you.

  2. It’s so true – becoming a mummy has meant I’ve lost touch with quite a few friends, but I’ve also gained so many too! Most of our friends have children too, which means days out to the farm or soft play are possible. I don’t think you should ever question whether you’re sharing too much baby spam – your daughter is beautiful and you have ever right to share/celebrate that 🙂

  3. Yup this is spot on – you loose quite a few friends in your journey into motherhood but you also do make some new ones too. It’s swings and round abouts but the most important at this time is focusing on nurturing a young life – I’m with you on that!

  4. I lost a few of my friends over the years. I think that is just how things go when we go off in different directions but then I also gained so much more 🙂 Do not ever worry about sharing too much baby photo’s, babies grow so quickly and capture all the precious moments.

  5. I wouldn’t say I lost friends because I had a baby, I lost most of mine when I moved away for university and despite my efforts to try and keep in touch, not many of them were willing to put in the same effort. It is a shame that you feel you can’t talk about your baby as much as you’d like on social media, I do see people complain about baby spam and I think they’re the ones with the problem, not the person posting xz

  6. It’s sad when you loose a friend, but as you say you won some others instead. True friends will stay with you for a lifetime, others come and go.

  7. I completely agree with the “you win some you lose some” after having a baby. We lost friends, mainly because we chose to give up drinking permanently when our son was very small, but then we gained friends who had young kids as well.

  8. Yes, I think you’re totally right on this. You win some, lose some… but the most important thing is that little being you are raising ? Perhaps friends lost are not really lost at all… just on a different path. Who, may one day end up on your doorstep with their own little bundle… bleary eyed and drooling over grown up company xx

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