I went to message a friend the other day with the hope of meeting for a catch up, only to find they had deleted me from all social media platforms. Maybe I had over done it on the Jasmine spam? I felt really sad, embarrassed and questioned myself. In society we champion people who get married, get a promotion, buy a house or any other large life event…and I’m proud I’ve managed to raise this tiny human, but I feel society let’s you celebrate to an extent and then ‘that’s enough’ you’re boring people.
I’ve spent years respecting people’s passions for travelling, drinking or even football (something I know little about) yet I constantly worry about ‘baby spam’. When I chat to my friends I ask them about all areas of their lives… not because I want to patronise them or feel like I should, but because I care. It matters to them, so it matters to me! Sadly I think losing friends is an inevitable part of having a baby, not all friends. I have grown to appreciate my friends so much, the friends who are struggling to conceive, who arrive at my baby shower with a smile and gifts in hand, that’s friendship. The friends who through their own life changing struggles are always there for me. But there are those who vanish, nine months of no drinking makes you seem ‘dull’ to certain people and then being so consumed with keeping a tiny person alive after the birth my mind is completely focused on her, I worry she’ll fall down a well or something if it’s not!
I’ll never be one of those mums who declare themselves a ‘yummy mummy’ or change their job title to ‘full time stay at home mummy’ that’s not me. It’s a huge life shift though, and despite my protests of ‘the baby won’t define me’ I’d be lying if I was to say I don’t have a baby led life, and she’s so small can you blame me? I’d challenge anyone to get 2 hours of broken sleep every night and not start obsessing about sleep, beds….and big pillows, I was in ‘Next’ yesterday and found myself staring at their bed displays, practically drooling, like I was gazing at gorgeous piece of chocolate cake!
I’m still very much here for my friends, but now it’s me and my mini me (well mini Dave really). Being a mum can be the best job in the world, you’re literally moulding a life. It can also be the loneliness job in the world, some days, not leaving the house, not having adult company and wondering what I’m missing out on. Friends are important, that’s for sure.
The balance is hard though, really hard. Some weeks I’m a hermit and it’s an effort just to get dressed, others I’m a social butterfly.
But for those friends who are my rocks, who have listened to me forget what I’m talking about mid sentence and smiled whilst I explain to them the benefits of baby led weaning or send them videos of Jasmine that make me smile, thank you. It’s also put me in touch with friends I’ve fallen out of touch with and make new friends. So I guess the moral of the blog post is – you win some, you loose some!
“The course of true love never did run smooth” – William Shakespeare – A midsummer nights dream : Act 1, Scene 1