When she was a tiny baby, I remember looking at Jasmine with love, my maternal instinct had kicked in and I could look at her all day.
I couldn’t help wishing we could go home from the hospital. ‘It will be better then’ I thought. I just needed to be in my own bed and around my own things. As I sat on my sofa with my beautiful baby I was terrified of dropping her, she was so delicate precious, I just wanted her to grow, be less delicate and fragile ‘it will be better then’ I remember saying.
Wishing the days away until her daddy came home to help. Then I wanted her to crawl to tire more and help her sleep, turn 6 months, start weaning which I also thought would help her sleep, here’s a bit of information – it doesn’t!
I heard myself the other day, ‘I can’t wait for her to talk, to walk, to start school’, and that’s when it hit me. With the best intentions, I was wishing her life away. How many parents have wished for bedtime? For the weekend? For a holiday? I’m guilty. When actually, she’s pretty perfect just as she is. Is she challenging sometimes? Yes. It’s time for me to embrace every moment and lose this ‘it will be better when…’ mentality because if I’m honest, she is wonderful just as she is, my gratitude is enormous.
Next thing I know she’s 15 and giving me attitude, instead of wishing the time away I made a conscious choice to enjoy all the moments. Yes, I look forward to things in our lives, the trips we will take together, having conversations with her and her school plays (in which she will be playing the lead role!) But now I actively put down my phone and enjoy the moments with her. Yes, some days she’s Ferrell and I just want to sell her on Gumtree, but it’s so important to enjoy these moments. It’s a cliche but they grow up fast. I’ve decided to spend less time wishing the days away and more time being grateful for the small moments, for the cuddles she will one day be too cool to want.
Yes, I look forward her paying rent, but for the time being I’m just going to hold my baby, after all it’s great for their brain development you know!
“The course of true love never did run smooth” – William Shakespeare A Midsummer nights dream.