Becoming a parent is life changing, overwhelming and a madness nothing can prepare you for. I naively thought Jasmine would adapt to my schedule and my plans. She had very different ideas. So I decided to make a list of the 15 things I’ve learnt since becoming a parent.
1) Things in my house don’t co ordinate anymore. My beautiful Scandinavian sleek themed lounge now looks like a soft play centre at closing time. In garish colours, bulky plastics sometimes with a bit of biscuit smeared in, it looks any thing but sleek these days.
2) Some days Peppa Pig is my saviour, other days I want to put her, George and the iPad that plays Peppa Pig in the bin, and bury the bin.
3) You don’t die if you don’t sleep for 7 months. It’s true, I’m proof. You do however start drinking coffee, stop wearing make up and fantasise about various types of beds.
4) I’ve exchanged getting designer bags for getting bags under my eyes.
5) There’s a very smug feeling about being able to use parent and child bays, I’m always willing someone to challenge me! I walk away with a little swag like I’ve queue jumped.
6) Your partner and you know that the words ‘poo-nami’ means it’s likely a ‘two man job’
7) Sometimes babies cry. They aren’t hungry, wet, ill, hot, cold, they just need to release a bit of energy! WHITE NOISE IS LIFE!
8) You will spend hundreds of pounds on baby rubbish you won’t use and will have a hundred baby toys which are a great mixture of fun and educational but the baby would rather play with a clothes peg.
9) If you’re ill – it doesn’t matter. If you need sleep – it doesn’t matter. If you want to finish your dinner while it’s hot – it doesn’t matter. You are no longer a priority.
10) You will venture in to the city and pack like you’re spending a fortnight in Benidorm.
11) When a baby cries hysterically in the back car seat you would rip out your lift kidney if it would entertain her to stop the tears.
12) Mums and Dads are not the same. Sometimes a baby just wants their mum and sometimes Dad will just be funnier, and probably look more like the zchild.
13) I will never wee alone again.
14) I will never drink a full cup of tea again.
15) I can become the BEST distractor with ANYTHING when baby slightly bumps her head!! I can normally save it before the face fully crumbles!!
Let me know your thoughts, what have you learnt from being a parent? Or seeing other new parents?
‘The course of true love never did run smooth’ – William Shakespeare A midsummer nights dream